Cancer Comic Strip

My name is Suzan St Maur and I've had cancer twice. I find that humor helps me get through my cancer, and from what I understand it helps many others too. This blog is dedicated not to information about the disease, but to cancer warriors and their relatives/friends who just want some cheering chuckles. By all means share your funny stories and jokes with us - email them to suze @ (If you want to know more about me see my profile on here or

Thursday, October 26, 2006

A crushing blow for pill poppers

Seriously (for once) ... this article today states that crushing tablets to make them easier to swallow can have disastrous results. Apparently that's because some tablets are coated with a substance that allows the drug inside to be released over a period of time. If you crush them, the coating is destroyed and the drug can be absorbed incorrectly by your body.

I thought it was worth flagging up here as one of the drugs concerned is tamoxifen, a popular number amongst us breast cancer warriors. So be warned ... swallow it whole.

And talking of swallowing pills, here's some helpful advice for the next time you need to give a tablet to your cat:

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding tablet in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop tablet into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve tablet from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw chewed-up tablet away.

4) Take new tablet from container, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push tablet to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve tablet from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call friend.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get friend to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop tablet down, remove ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another tablet from container. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Staffordshire figurines from window sill and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get friend to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put tablet in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure tablet not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply antiseptic solution to friend's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another tablet. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick tablet down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus booster. Throw T-shirt away and fetch clean one from bedroom.

12) Phone emergency services (fire department) to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into her own fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last tablet from container.

13) Tie cats front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, hold cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push tablet into mouth followed by large piece of fillet of steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash tablet down.

14) Get friend to drive you to hospital, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes tablet remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for local humane society to pick up cat. Phone local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

PS ... forget crushing tablets for cats, too. No matter how powerful the smell of sardines you use to mop up the powder and trick puddytat into consuming it, he or she will know there's something nasty in there and walk away. Trust me. That's the voice of experience talking.

Love to all


Friday, October 20, 2006

The worst thing since sliced bread?

Here's yet another jaw-dropping revelation courtesy of the obscure research brigade, this time from sunny Italy. According to an article on the BBC News website,

The research, published in the International Journal of Cancer, found patients who ate more bread had a higher risk of kidney cancer.

It said there was a modest rise in the risk with pasta and rice, but a reduction among patients who ate more poultry, processed meat, and vegetables, whether raw or cooked.

Other products, including coffee, tea, eggs, red meat, fish, cheese, potatoes and fruit, appeared to have no bearing.

It does make you wonder, doesn't it, where it will all end? Will we all wind up terrified to consume anything other than organic lettuce and filtered water? Damn, no. There could still be pesticides and chemicals in those...

Anyway, for your information here are some further fascinating facts about bread, courtesy of World Wide Recipes, who in turn attributed it to one of their subscribers, "Terra Andromeda."

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water begged for bread after as little as two days.

6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

8. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

10. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

Well, I'd better go and make myself a sandwich.

Have a great weekend ... Sz

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Cool calendar - with a slice of lemon

My good friend Wendy C pointed out this great calendar for 2007 - raising money for one of the major cancer charities over here in the UK, Cancer Backup. Although UK based its audience is international and it does a great job.

Have a look here, at the folks who are promoting the calendar. I've just bought one and I'm looking forward to hanging it on my wall come January 1st.

I'm doing OK and hope to be put on Herceptin in November. As I mentioned in my previous post, here in the UK the regional health authorities vary a lot in their promptness to pay for Herceptin for early BC sufferers ... and my local authority happens to be one of those which is dragging its feet for as long as it can wriggle out of coughing up.

As I can't afford to pay the necessary GBP £20,000 for the drug per annum, it's a waiting game.

However soon the excuses and the filibustering will expire, and the National Health Service will have to perform under their obligation (paid for by our taxes) to provide free treatment.

Anyway, how's this for a smile for the week, dedicated to all of us girls who are no longer paired off in marital bliss?


The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job.

"Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times."


Don't I know the feeling...

Love to all