Cancer Comic Strip

My name is Suzan St Maur and I've had cancer twice. I find that humor helps me get through my cancer, and from what I understand it helps many others too. This blog is dedicated not to information about the disease, but to cancer warriors and their relatives/friends who just want some cheering chuckles. By all means share your funny stories and jokes with us - email them to suze @ (If you want to know more about me see my profile on here or

Friday, May 19, 2006

Now what ... arrrggghhh!

Well, over three weeks have passed since my last chemo session and by now my white blood cell count should be getting up on its knees off the floor, where it has been for the last couple of months. Hurry, please, white cells. I'm fed up of being tired and lacking energy.

My hair is growing and if I were a man, I would be able to walk around unnoticed with a normal head of hair. Being a woman I prefer to wear the wig when I'm out and about, because even with chandelier earrings I still don't want to look like a man. (Sorry, guys.)

And because I had a total mastectomy, I don't need radiotherapy.

So, yippee. I'm free. But there's a catch.

Many people this side of cancer treatment say they feel kind of insecure. For the last six months (or for however long your treatment was) you've been cocooned, albeit by nasty chemicals that poison all your fast-dividing cells, not just the malignant ones. But cocooned you have been. Cancer ain't going to come back when there's a half-litre of vicious chemicals coursing around your system. However when your body has finally eliminated the last of the toxic stuff ... now what?

It feels a bit like the first time a child attempts to swim without "water wings" or ride a bike without those little outboard stabilizer wheels. I'm on my own now, and must think positive of about recurrences (not going to happen) and further treatment (not going to be necessary.) That's where I am now. Trying to be positive while still feeling tired, feeling worn out, and feeling old.

But I should perk up soon. I hope! Everyone else does.

Anyway here for all of you who happen to be feeling as old and decrepit as I do right now, is some food for the form of a cute poem contributed by my cousin Aly from Ottawa.


A is for apple, and B is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won't float!
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.

The Alphabet

A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C's the chest pains,
perhaps car-d-iac?

D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.

H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;
I is for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L is for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!

P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus; there's bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy," you know.

W is for worry, NOW what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have-- in my mind.

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,
And I am keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!!!


Ah, what the heck! Let's all forget cancer and have a great weekend. (See ... I can't stay negative for more than a few minutes!)