Power outage during a mammogram

This was sent to me by a colleague - original source unknown...

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POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAM

I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?"

I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science."

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?" Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard,
then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!

"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vice alone are you?" I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."

Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."

"You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps.

Yeeeee Haaaahhhh! (I'm back.)

And you thought I had disappeared on you! Well, yes, I did. I have been busy writing more books, bringing up my increasingly expensively 17-yr-old student and rock drummer son Tom, and cooking for my (largely) adopted family of teen musicians who have been practising and recording at our house ... have a look here for more on that.

But that doesn't mean to say I have lost touch with cancer - no way. In fact in my ongoing dealings with bladder cancer I am about to embark on a course of treatment of BCG and Interferon ... commonplace in the USA but a relatively new departure in cranky old England. Having thought my bladder was soon to be confined to the hospital incinerator, we've had a reprieve for now!

So to continue in the urinary vein, so to speak, here is a short story you might find of interest - especially if (like me) you are the wrong side of 55.

77 year old Morris went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with great results. The doctor said, "Morris everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at peace with yourself, and have a good relationship with God?"

Morris replied, "God and me are tight. We are so close that when I get up in the middle of the night, *poof*... the light goes on when I go to the bathroom and then *poof* the light goes off!"

"Wow," commented Dr. Cohen," That's incredible!" A little later in the day the doctor called Morris's wife. "Becky," he said, " Morris is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof* the light goes on in the bathroom and then *poof* the light goes off?"

Becky replied, "Silly old f*rt...he's been peeing in the fridge again."

Until next time ... and I promise it won't be so long! Sz