The real meaning of medical terms

In case your doctors and other healthcare providers are trying to bamboozle you into buying their interpretations of the following medical terms, be warned...don't believe them for one minute! Here are the real meanings courtesy of an unknown, but very smart, author...

Artery: the study of fine painting

Barium: what you do when a patient dies

Benign: what you are after you are eight

Caesarean Section: a district in the city of Rome

Colic: a friendly sheep dog

Congenital: amiable and sociable

Dilate: to live a long time

Fester: quicker

Medical staff: a doctor's walking stick

Minor operation: coal digging

Morbid: a higher offer

Nitrate: lower than a day rate

Node: was aware of

Organic: Church musician

Out patient: person who has fainted

Post-operative: a senior mailman

Protein: in favor of young people

Secretion: hiding something

Tablet: small table

Tumour: an extra pair

Urine: opposite of you're out

Varicose veins: veins that are very close together

See.....told you I would be back before Monday. Enjoy what's left of the weekend!

Sz........