A bad day at the office - or on the cress of a wave?
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And if you think you've had a tough day at work, console yourself with this (original author unknown, but thank you, whoever you are)...
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, which was sponsoring a Worst Job Experience Contest.
Needless to say, she won.
"Hi Sis,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
That will be a comforting thought for us all the next time we fret over a broken water-cooler at the office.
And here's another gem from the weirdo research brigade ... did you know that eating watercress can help prevent cancer?
According to this article in the British Daily Mail, eating gobs of watercress will provide you with lots of useful anti-oxidants that can ward off the Big C.
Needless to say the fact that this scientific, unbiased research was funded by British watercress suppliers, is entirely unrelated to the study's findings...
Mind you, the cancer experts were not quite convinced. The article goes on:
... Karol Sikora, professor of cancer medicine at Imperial College London, said the findings of the study were 'grossly overstated'.
He added: 'We know that fruits and vegetables all do affect DNA damage, hence the five-a-day strategy to prevent cancer.'
'There is absolutely nothing special about watercress. I don't think people will seriously convert to eating 85g of the stuff each day. That's an awful lot of cress!'
'You might even turn green. Much better to look holistically at your diet and ensure that there's plenty of fruit and vegetables, fibre and as little fat as possible.'
So I'd better get down to the grocery store and fill up my fridge with the stuff. If I turn green I'll let you know; might be a cool new look for Spring.
SUZE
And if you think you've had a tough day at work, console yourself with this (original author unknown, but thank you, whoever you are)...
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, which was sponsoring a Worst Job Experience Contest.
Needless to say, she won.
"Hi Sis,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
That will be a comforting thought for us all the next time we fret over a broken water-cooler at the office.
And here's another gem from the weirdo research brigade ... did you know that eating watercress can help prevent cancer?
According to this article in the British Daily Mail, eating gobs of watercress will provide you with lots of useful anti-oxidants that can ward off the Big C.
Needless to say the fact that this scientific, unbiased research was funded by British watercress suppliers, is entirely unrelated to the study's findings...
Mind you, the cancer experts were not quite convinced. The article goes on:
... Karol Sikora, professor of cancer medicine at Imperial College London, said the findings of the study were 'grossly overstated'.
He added: 'We know that fruits and vegetables all do affect DNA damage, hence the five-a-day strategy to prevent cancer.'
'There is absolutely nothing special about watercress. I don't think people will seriously convert to eating 85g of the stuff each day. That's an awful lot of cress!'
'You might even turn green. Much better to look holistically at your diet and ensure that there's plenty of fruit and vegetables, fibre and as little fat as possible.'
So I'd better get down to the grocery store and fill up my fridge with the stuff. If I turn green I'll let you know; might be a cool new look for Spring.
SUZE
posted by Suzan St Maur @ 3:14 PM
1 Comments:
At 3:04 PM ,
Anonymous said...
Hi Suze
Just saw your blog while I was searching for a new watercress supplier here, in Ireland !
Watercress preventing the onset of many things, including cancers, has been known about since biblical times. The likes of Mr Sikora are all well placed to pooh-pooh the idea because they are on fat salaries paid out of cancer-research funding. If they owned up to the fact that natural plant remedies can prevent or treat most things, they would be on the dole queue ! !
You're a brave girl.
My thoughts are with you.
Chris
www.groups.yahoo.com/group/Miriam_of_Magdala
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