Cancer Comic Strip

My name is Suzan St Maur and I've had cancer twice. I find that humor helps me get through my cancer, and from what I understand it helps many others too. This blog is dedicated not to information about the disease, but to cancer warriors and their relatives/friends who just want some cheering chuckles. By all means share your funny stories and jokes with us - email them to suze @ suzanstmaur.com (If you want to know more about me see my profile on here or http://HowToWriteBetter.net)

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

OK, let's get these jokes on the road - no messing

I've just spent some time looking through what Google suggests are cancer jokes, and I have to say I'm disappointed. No matter what website you look at, the same gags are there. To me they're not that funny and believe me, I can laugh in the face of most disasters.

We can do better than that - can't we!

So, let's move on from what's there already and look at some other vaguely relevant jokes which genuinely are funny. Well, I think so. Feel free to disagree and post alternatives - either as comments here, or email them to me and I'll post them. Addie is suze @ suzanstmaur.com (cut and paste then knock out the spaces ... anti-spam device, I'm afraid.)

As I've got breast cancer on the brain - and pretty much everywhere else at the moment - here's my starter about a topic all of us breast cancer warriors know only too well: mammograms. Source/author unknown but whoever you are, thank you - please don't expect us to pay you because a) this blog is non-commercial and b) we're all potless anyway.

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test, and best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home.

Exercise 1
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.

Exercise 2
Visit your garage at 3 AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.

Exercise 3
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the frozen bookends against one your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.


You are now properly prepared.

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